Our Authentic Self

I have gained a lot of life experiences for being only 34 years old. Life has taught me many things, but one of my greatest achievements has been becoming my true self again after long years of struggle. I learned is that being authentic is essential to loving ourselves and being loved! Being authentic means always being true to yourself and others. It also means being unique and standing up for yourself, no matter what!

Zig Ziglar says: "You cannot consistently act in a manner that is inconsistent with who you really are!", and it's so true! Why lie to yourself and about yourself? Someone will eventually find out, and trust will be lost.
Yes, truth can hurt sometimes. However dishonesty will cause chain reactions of unknown magnitude that carry from you to friends and on to their friends. Suddenly you find yourself with a bad reputation that affects your life and even your work. When I say "bad reputation" I mean a reputation of being dishonest in your dealings, being two-faced, and suffering from lack of "backbone". "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not!" is another favorite quote of mine. Even if you are feared or disliked, truth and authenticity always demand respect, at the very least!

Lack of authenticity reflects itself in our family life, friendships and in our work. My family and friends know that I am authentic. I say what I do and do what I say. I have their back! That's how it should be. If I commit to something, I usually do it, unless there are unwanted or unexpected circumstances that force me to do otherwise. Work is a little bit of a different story. Most people work jobs that they don't really like. They do it for the money and benefits, and because it somewhat fits their talents. I feel that you're really only authentic in your work as long as you love at least part of it. I am much into the healing arts and while I am quite talented in being a Developmental Therapist, lately I have found that it isn't a 100% perfect fit for me. Believe it, or not, I have been told that I am too kind! Well the healing professions have many facets and I will remain within that professional niche. But I will look further into Massage Therapy, Reiki, Crystals and Herbalism, while continuing to write. These are my "true to myself" talents. The creative arts are just as much part of myself, however, to chose beauty over healing would be foolish. Even though my many talents can be used in different ways, only the healing arts would really make for an authentic "Petra-Profession". Only when the profession matches your authentic self, will you truly love your job!

There is so much more I could say, but for now, in conclusion:
Acting in accordance to your authentic self is liberating! And I love it!

Nurturing REAL Friendships

I wrote earlier that I have taken some time to nurture friendships that are important to me. I have always been a good friend to people I care about. I have received calls and literal cries for help and went to friends houses in as little as 5 minutes. I take my friendships VERY seriously! But often, in the past, my commitment to help people borderlined self-sacrifice. And people not only used, but abused my goodwill. That type of friendship is one-sided. It isn't "real".

The friendships that I now try to nurture, are those that are mutually benefiting. They bring harmony to all friends involved. For the first time in a long time, I have friends that will share their home, their food, their advice, their feelings and activities and other friends with me, without asking anything in return. Just the same way I have always acted toward others. These friends are rare and few in between. Most of those rare friends I have live hours away from me. Now, I have a few that are close-by, yet again.

I finally feel like I belong to a circle of friends once more that values my presence, and what I do and say, just for the fact that I am being me, and that they enjoy me being around. I so appreciate that! I hadn't been told AND shown in a long time that I am being loved for who I really am. And indeed, I can be myself with them. I don't have to walk around as if on egg-shells, just because I might offend someone or because they might feel that I am weird. It gives me a strong sense of freedom and belonging... two major human desires! Being able to be yourself in the midst of others is so powerful! It builds trust, because there is truth in what you do and say! It's the greatest asset in any relationship. "You cannot consistently act in a way that is inconsistent with who you really are", as Zig Ziglar would say. However, if you are yourself, others will know and appreciate it. It is even more powerful, when you are yourself in kindness! Knowing that a friend has your back, and you have theirs, even in tough times, creates a wonderful bond! If you can go months without talking, because life gets busy, and then come right back to another 4 hr conversation - that's so awesome! To get hugs when you need them - God I love it!

I love you so much, my REAL friends! You know who you are!

Just a short one... What I learned from the movie "Prom"

I've been a little busy, but have several new posts in the works =)

Just had to take a break and watch a teen flick haha!

What I learned from the movie "Prom":

• Take the memories of meaningless relationships off your mirror - and u will finally see yourself! =) 
• Don't judge people by what you hear about them, or by what they look like, not even by what they say - but by their actions, especially when disaster strikes! 
• Further, even when it all looks bleak and you feel alone, do it anyway...! 
• Friendship and good family ties are worth more than love, but love completes both!
• Dishonesty never pays. Much rather it bites you in the butt every time!
• It makes a hell of an impression when you prove 'em all wrong! Winner!
• Be yourself and have fun, no matter who you are and what you look like - everybody will like you better that way!
• Sometimes it takes until the end of the night before all works out the way it should!
• Also - I need to buy and wear more dresses lol! Guys seem to dig it!

Ways to Deal with Negative Emotions

Negative Emotions don’t just make you miserable, but also all those people you come into contact with. They can result in depression, drug and alcohol abuse and separation from friends and family. Misery seeks company as they say…

I found several ways to help me overcome negative mindsets and attitudes.

MUSIC

Music has always been a great way for me to handle setbacks. Song writers, since the beginning of time, have created lyrics that stemmed from their own experiences. There is nothing more powerful than knowing that you are not the only one that has gone through a lot of bad stuff! When I feel sad or mad I turn up the music and sing out loud. I chose songs that relate most closely to my current life situation.


CHANGE OF SURROUNDINGS

Sometimes you just have to get out of the house or away from a situation that seems to drive you insane. Maybe meeting up with a friend for a coffee or taking the kids to the park will help get you mind of negative things for a while. Maybe a simple walk at night and looking at the stars will help you clear you head a bit and focus on more positive and beautiful things in life.


FREE-WRITING

One of my favorite things to do is to just write my thoughts off my soul, not even thinking about what I write; just getting it out of my mind and onto the paper! If I am fairly composed I actually write poems, essays and rap songs, believe it or not! J. Most of the time it helps me to rearrange my  thoughts and refocus. That way I go from an overwhelmed state of mind to calm and ready to change my situation. Perfect!


PARADIGM-SHIFT

A Paradigm-Shift happens when you manage to change your perspective on life’s situations. Occasionally we just need to see things from a different angle in order to make sense out of it…
For instance, you just cut your finger, but then you hear that your friend just has a severe car accident and is in the hospital. How lucky you are! You hurt a bit, but you can use your hand, feed yourself, adhere to your own schedule and sleep in your own bed without frequent interruptions by nurses. So hey, you are much better off than your friend, right?! Go visit and see if you can cheer/her up a bit!


REVERSE-THINKING

I once heard about a method that ended up helping me to get out of a depression years ago. The method consists out of writing all kinds of persistent negative thoughts on one side of a piece of paper.  When finished, you look at your paper and try and come up with a similar, but totally opposite, positive statement.
You try and memorize the list of negative versus positive statements and whenever you find yourself in a negative thought process, you simply tell yourself “stop” and recall the fitting positive statement to overpower the negative thought. Become a little rebellious in that aspect. Don’t let negative thinking hold you back. When You think: I will never get that - turn it around and say: I will learn hard and ask people questions, so that I get a better understanding! ;)


TALKING  TO TRUSTED FAMILY MEMBERS OR FRIENDS AND ASKING FOR HELP

Sometimes we cannot deal with our personal issues alone and refuse to ask for help. But there are so many people out there who love us and are more than happy to help. Asking doesn’t hurt. The worst you can get is a no, and the best that can happen is a good solution you would have never expected. Even just being able to talk to someone can make you feel a whole lot better that dwelling on your miserable circumstances.

EXERCISE OR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Physical activity increases endorphins in your body. Those “feel-good” hormones can quickly provide a calmer and better outlook on life and help you to focus. Go for a walk, start a new hobby with an activity partner or local group that engages in an active lifestyle, go to the gym or just turn on some music and dance while doing household chores. Anything that gets your heart pumping  for at least 30 mins works! =)

I hope these suggestions help! If you have any other ideas, please feel free to share!